Another Change

It's been some time since I've checked this blogspot. For the latest in my world, you can read http://lifemoreorless.wordpress.com!

I've Moved!

Check out new posts on http://captivatedbride.wordpress.com. There's too many posts to move them all to the new site, so the entire library will remain here. Thanks!!!

Faith and Folly

Once again and probably not for the last time, God has moved in my life and in the life of my husband to sovereignly close doors we thought He had opened; truthfully, that we hoped we could walk through. The fact that the doors not only closed, but seemed to slam shut, makes for a time of reflection and deep consideration of what God is really doing in our lives, clearly something different than we had anticipated and imagined.

When God acts in our lives against what we expect, we know it isn't because of any imperfection in Him or His purposes or plan. But, we can be certain that there is always the possibility that we have erred in some way, lacked discernment or simply taken our eyes off Him for a second, lost our footing and stumbled. It happens. We're all still learning and there will be bumps and bruises in the process. We are being perfected, but for now, we are far from perfect!

Even as we stumble, I believe God is pleased with our desire to please Him. And if He recognizes even an inkling of sincerity in our hearts to follow His will above our own, He will show His great love for us by refusing to give us anything that might detract from our utter dependence upon Him.

When, in our weakness, we begin to fall into the subtle trap of worldly wisdom, He will protect us, albeit sometimes painfully, by cutting us off and drawing us once again to surrender.

Paul tells the Corinthians in his first letter, "Has not God shown up the nonsense and the folly of this world's wisdom?" And he reminds them that though it may be filled with many great philosophies about how to get along in and manage life, "the world with all its earthly wisdom failed to perceive and recognize and know God" (v. 20-21).

My prayer is that I will not resist God's hand in my life. There seem to be more secure ways to live by the world's standard, but I acknowledge the folly of that security and long for God to protect me from ever being in a place where I fail to perceive and recognize and know Him. Sometimes His hand comes toward me as if to strike, only to set itself around me like a shield.

Made Woman

Not every girl is attracted to the mobster type, but I happen to hold a fascination for them. A few years ago, I was completely addicted to The Sopranos, which at least helps explain why our family has a 16 ½ pound orange tabby named Vito.

In the mob, the whole idea is to become a “made man,” which basically means you’re in, and somebody always has your back, and if you get in dire straits, somebody will bail you out. It’s a coveted position, and guys will go to great lengths, if you know what I mean, to get made.

I have to admit that in my own life, even just watching mob movies and series dramas, I recognize the longing to belong to something bigger, to feel like I have somebody watching out for me, and to know that in a tough situation, there’s somebody else willing to go the distance on my behalf -- even if it is just because of the profit margin.

There’s not an air-tight spiritual correlation, at least I don’t think there is, but I imagine myself as a “made woman.” I mean, I really can’t think of a more powerful head of the family than my Father! And the beautiful part is that I don’t have to do anything crazy or illegal to gain full access to the rights and privileges of His Family.

I need to be reminded of that on a regular basis, because in my life -- I don‘t know about yours -- there are way too many shocks and surprises. Just when I think I know up from down, the whole plane flips.

And I can easily find myself in a downward spiral wondering how exactly I’m going to make it. Then, it hits me . . . I’m not. I’m not going to make it. But, God is going to make me. And in the process, He’s going to provide absolutely everything needed -- provision and protection and peace and on and on.

In his song Your Love is Strong, Jon Foreman sings, “So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need.” I find myself listening to that over and over these days. And it reminds me that when I was younger, there was an older man in the church we attended that loved on Sunday nights during our church wide dinner to get up on the little stage in the fellowship hall and sing His Eye is on the Sparrow.

He knew something from all his years on earth about trusting in God alone, and it’s something I want to know. Because I have an inkling that being “made” in God is the closest thing to heaven on earth we’ll ever find. It’s a secret known by the birds and the lilies and old men who’ve walked thousands of miles on their knees:


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Get Ready

As a mother, a lot of interactions with my children give insight into my interaction with God. One of the latest is my older daughter's obsession with "when" things are going to happen. For example, on any given day this summer, we are likely to have some sort of activity planned.

I might make plans for us to go to a friend's house to swim. So, some time prior to leaving our house, I ask the girls to get their bathing suits on, find their flip flops and towels, brush their hair, etc. But before any of those things are actually done, Anna is standing next to me asking, "What time are we going to go?"

And I respond, as I almost always do, "Don't worry about what time, just do what I've asked you to do. Then, we it's time, you'll be ready, and we'll go."

For Anna, the question of when something is going to happen seems more important than the little commands I've asked her to obey, because in her mind she's thinking, "What's the point of getting my swimsuit on and finding my towel, if I don't know for sure that I'll end up getting to swim?"

I may not like it, but I do the same thing with God. Thinking regularly, "What does all this little day to day stuff of obedience matter if it isn't going to eventually be about something larger and more worthwhile. How can I be sure all of my actions taken in faith will be worth it? When will I arrive at the destination?"

Yet, God responds to me the way I respond to my daughter, "Just obey. Then, when it's time, according to My plan and purpose, you'll be ready."

So I have to model what I expect of my own daughter. I listen to God's leading and directions. I choose to obey, even when the timing of what's ahead remains a mystery. And I believe that in His love for me, He will follow through. And it will be worth it!

Why We Go

So this entry is at least partially stolen from -- sounds much better to say "inspired by" -- the sermon I heard this morning. The question that needs to be asked today, or at least was asked by my priest is, "Why do we go?" As in, why do we get up every Sunday and make our way to worship when there are so many other things that compete for our time and attention?

Clearly, the world is chasing any number of pursuits that in no way involve a church building, a body of believers and the gospel. And even many of those who once darkened the doors of the sanctuary have since turned away to invest themselves somewhere else.

Statistics paint a grim picture of declining attendance and the cynics tell us that while people aren't coming much now, the trend shows that they'll continue to come less and less unless something changes.

The modern church is putting effort into reversing the cycle. Unfortunately, its efforts to present itself as more relevant to the culture can have dangerous side effects . . . like surrendering the battle to get people to adapt their lives to the holiness and sanctity of God in order to, in practice if not in belief, adapt God to suit the state of the people.

In this light, why do those of us who continue to be faithful, continue? Certainly our primary concern cannot be simply to maintain viable community, although community is necessary to the life offered in Christ -- "Christianity is about personal relationship, but it is not a private relationship," as I've heard it said.

I would argue that our goal is the pleasure of God, and in walking in faithfulness and consistency to offer our lives for His pleasure, we amazingly find our pleasure, our wholeness.

As we continue in obedience to go . . . our proclamation becomes that there is One who died in love for us all, and to live in response to and empowered by that Resurrection love, we find the deepest joy, peace, rest and purpose available to the human heart.

To me, this is salvation that transforms here and now, rather than there and later (although, it does that, too). And this is hope for the lost, the least and the longing. We go so that our lives might become signs to direct them. May they come. May they come back.

Preferential Treatment

"My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people over others?" (James 2:1)

Recently in a small group meeting, we discussed the early verses of the second chapter of James and all of the ways we show preferential treatment towards certain people. The Bible tells us clearly that if we have God's heart for others, we will not distinguish between rich and poor, attractive and unattractive or young and old. We will not seek relationship only with those that have the same skincolor as we do, root for the same sports team or speak with the same accent.

But, as I've pondered my personal tendencies to "prefer" one person over another, I've come to realize that my actions are often based on something deeper and, I think, darker. Left to my own doing, I am naturally (as in sin-nature) inclined to surround myself with only those people that feed and support my personal sense of rightness, well-being and ease.

I may not recognize it immediately as I survey my closest relationships, but if I look with a more critical eye, it becomes apparent that those I allow into my innermost circle generally serve to benefit me in some way, reinforce my lifestyle and beliefs, appease my ego and satisfy personal needs.

Granted, it is not inherently bad that marriage relationships and close friendships will provide a sense of belonging and of being understood and supported and accepted. But, don't we miss a greater call and purpose in relationship if we always keep at arms distance (at best) those that challenge our ways of thinking, those that might require significant sacrifice from us or those with whom it seems hardest to find common ground?

I recently finished what I now consider one of the top books I've ever read, Same Kind Of Different As Me, and because it is a true story, it opened my eyes in a new way to the depth of connection possible between people from seemingly opposite walks of life. And I am convinced that we really sell ourselves and others short in the way we usually pick and choose our relationships. I think that is at least part of the reason God considers partiality a sin (James 2:9). It cuts short the work His heart longs to do in us through those we least expect.